I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
