idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
