Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
