jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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