Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
