he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
