so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
