she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
