the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
