we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
