Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
