happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're like the curious george of whores
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
