I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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