So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
