the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
