turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
