Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
