Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
