His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dicks are not precious.
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