If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
