This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
