hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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