It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
