my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
