You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
