I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
