If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
