Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
