NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
