the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
