i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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