If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I touched a dick in church today
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
