My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
