I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i think my cat just said my name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
