I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
