Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
