the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
