I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
