the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
