I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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