I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
