turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
