think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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