Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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