sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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