I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
