that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
