The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
