Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
