I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
